


Deleted Scene: Jonathan's Visit

by paladin_cleric_mage



Series: My Heroes Had the Heart [10]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 07:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16280144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paladin_cleric_mage/pseuds/paladin_cleric_mage
Summary: January, 1987Corresponding Chapter: 69





	Deleted Scene: Jonathan's Visit

His first visit is January, 1987, while he is home for winter break.

They are searched, he has never been to a prison before. Will’s been doing this for six months, he’s comfortable. Anxiously Jonathan follows he and Hopper through gates and hallways and doors until they are ushered into an austere cool blue room where other visitors await.

Why is he here? For Will, and their exceedingly generous family, grave in their fervor to help the dying breed. Misfits, the messed up lost kids who have no idea how to navigate the world on their own. Billy, like magic El, is another storybook character they took under wing. Can his story be a success? Against Will’s insistence, Jonathan doubts this, yet he is here attending the disaster for an hour, testing the theory that Billy is better, as if a trial of medication and counseling can garner a dramatic psychic change.

Prior to arrival, Will brainstormed topics for discussion. The scarce times Jonathan and Billy spoke in ‘84 and ‘85 it was about music. Apparently Billy’s been working in the prison library for the past few months, so he’s at least reading again, and is on track for completing his high school diploma. Always an avid reader, Jonathan figures they can talk about books, too.

Meeting is awkward. After Hopper greets Billy and leaves the teens to interact, Jonathan offers his hand to shake, and embarrassedly retracts it when he notices the handcuffs. He settles stiffly at the table as Billy and Will smile wide and sit casually across from each other. Immediately Will unfolds his latest drawing, an intricate graphite portrait of Mike that Billy calls _angelic_. Their mouths move fast, Billy’s grin inherently cheeky, and Jonathan worries of his cunning. Could he be luring Will in the way he did Steve? Are his changes true?

 _No,_ he thinks. _No changes are true._ He learned that with his father and Nancy. The only people Jonathan trusts completely are his family, including El and Hopper, and even Hopper can tiptoe the line. Rather, Jonathan unconsciously searches for a let down, because it’s more believable. So what if he’s bitter? He’s protecting himself. From what, exactly? The contagious tragedy emanating out of Billy’s pores.

Imagine moving to a new state and within four months entering prison, missing your last year of school, being abandoned by your family and any friends you thought you had. Imagine your beautiful face scarred in several places, your inner arms torn up, and being unable to disguise the proof of pain. Where is the dignity? Jonathan thanks whatever powers may be their places are not switched. He’s experienced agony, but the scope of Billy’s suffering is insurmountable. Perhaps why his brother has struck up such a chord.

Within minutes Will draws Jonathan into conversation by mentioning a book he got for Christmas. _You Get So Alone at Times That It Just Makes Sense._

“Bukowski?” Billy jeers.

“You’ve read him?”

“Melodramatic pretentiousness doesn’t interest me.”

Jonathan is taken aback. While the response is blunt, it isn't mean. “Who do you like to read, then?”

“Honestly, I’ll read anything at this point, but I prefer biographies. Recently read an interesting one profiling subculture in the U.K.. How society and economy created mods, skinheads, teddy boys... I'm sure you know.”

He grins sheepishly. “Reminds me of _A Clockwork Orange_.”

“As it should. I’d be Alex, clearly."

Sadly, Jonathan has drawn this connection before. An abusive character who loses agency— Billy manifested his own foreshadowed downfall. He is the violent antagonist, the rapist, the drugged up youth. The cursed boy who claims change. Does he know himself?

“Well,” Will chirps, “I really liked _It,_ by Stephen King. Have you read that one yet?”

“Prison libraries aren't always accommodating, but I’ll put it on my list.”

“You have to. I know you’ll love it.”

“You’re a walking billboard,” Jonathan teases. He tells Billy, “The guys group up with their other friends and read aloud during sleepovers. It’s been a tradition since I brought home _Ender’s Game_ . _It_ took the entire weekend, like the Dungeons and Dragons campaigns, which are longer than ever considering Mike’s affinity for creation.”

“Jesus, is your whole family comprised of artists?”

“No way,” Will says. “El can’t draw to save her life. She doesn’t play music or act or anything, and only writes for school.”

“So, what does she like?”

“Tons of things. Video games, math and science, witchcraft, hiking, and she’s great with kids. But her natural talent— aside from her obvious abilities— is baking.”

Flatly, “You’re kidding.”

“I know!”

Unthinkingly Jonathan blurts, “Why don’t you let us bring her?”

Oh no. Billy’s brows lower in thought. Has he unintentionally provoked the monster? Anything said can and will be perceived as as insult, making even this brief visit tense and exhausting.

Surprisingly, there is simply a dismissal. “She wouldn’t want to see me.”

Beside him Will pouts. “That’s not true.”

“Whatever, I don’t want you dragging her out here for no reason. She hates me, and that’s fine. I hate me, too.”

On the contrary, El has never hated Billy. She and Will were always illogically accepting of his glaring, fatal flaws. Logic isn’t what drives acceptance, though. Empathy is. Compassion is. She has plenty of both, having spent half her life in captivity with an abuser, and the other half healing. Everyone has problems. Everyone needs help. To help there must be acceptance of what is. Although, El hasn’t acted kindly to Billy, either. She threw him around when he attacked Will on the snow day, and later kept him alive when he begged for death— Jonathan still can’t comprehend why. She also protected Dustin when he went after Billy in the cemetery, rather than tell him to stop or calm down. Like Jonathan, who rationally understands Billy is a sad case, El doesn’t seem intent on offering her kindness while he is hurting those she loves.

“She doesn’t hate you,” Jonathan informs. “But you can think that.”

Billy shrugs. “Luckily I won’t have to see her again.”

Of course. He reads El’s lack of interaction as hate, when it’s really closer to indifference. She’ll come around if called upon, which she won’t be. And Billy’s right— once he’s released and goes his own way, their family won’t have any ties to him. She won’t see him again. As an older brother, he’s relieved.

Then Will says, “You don’t know that. You might see her again.”

“No, I won't,” Billy insists.

They sit in silence for a beat, until he catches Jonathan's eye. “Any new music?”

“Oo, tell him about Anthrax!”

“Anthrax? You listen to them?”

“I do, actually.” Jonathan gestures at Will. “He listens by association. Do you like them?”

“ _Fistfull of Metal_ was a great album.” His gaze wanders. “I wonder what happened to my vinyl collection. It was in the back of my Camaro, and my father left it at the tow pound after I got arrested the first time.”

The brothers exchange a glance. All the _my’_ s are past tense possessions, except one. Just as Mom rescued Steve’s BMW and kept it at the cabin for Dustin, Hopper rescued the record collection from the totalled Camaro. He disclosed it to the brothers on the ride here, when they were coming up with conversation starters. Unfortunately for Billy, the car is long gone, and some of the records were shattered in the crash. However, he’ll have a decent surprise waiting when he’s released. It’s kind of Hopper-- too kind, considering Billy’s not their kid.

He is _a_ kid, though. Nearby visitors turn, curious, as Billy emphatically taps out a drumbeat on the table, handcuffs accenting with a metallic _shing._ Rocking out to an invisible beat, he closes his eyes and sings: _Abandon all hope for those who enter, cause there ain't too much of that down here. A clouded mist in a darkened tunnel, and twisted screams are growing near._ His voice is deep and moving, a remnant of a youth who believed in liberation. Today, a caged animal.

When he finishes singing he savors it, eyes still closed. “God, I miss music.”

Dumbly Jonathan realizes Billy has, at best, extremely limited use of a radio. Suddenly he aches for him. If Jonathan were without music for even a day he would suffer. Imagine Billy? Restless, fired up Billy, always moving, battling the storm inside. Lives ago Billy and Steve came over for family pizza night. They talked about music, Billy with a reverence Jonathan didn’t expect. Seeing him imprisoned isn’t as satisfying as he’d hoped. Instead of wanting to leave because Billy’s an asshole, Jonathan wants to run because seeing him is sad, like staring at a wolf whose leg bone is splintered by a closed trap.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Hey, you're not the one who fucked up your whole life.”

“There’s time.”

It’s a poor joke, and thankfully Billy excuses it. “As long as I keep my shit together I’ll be out in ‘91. Get a job, a new car, a record player. Crank my music at full volume.”

Will smiles encouragingly. “You’ll do it.”

Billy lightly mocks his earlier line. “You don’t know that.” Then to Jonathan, “What’s the news about Anthrax?”

“Well, they’re touring for the album they put out last year. They play New York in June, and I got tickets.”

“Lucky you.”

“Yeah,” he agrees. “I am lucky.”

All their parents want to do is share their luck with another kid.

Maybe one day he’ll want to share his luck as well.

**Author's Note:**

> Book Credit: “You Get So Alone at Times That It Just Makes Sense”, Charles Bukowski, 1986  
> Book Credit: “A Clockwork Orange”, Anthony Burgess, 1962  
> Book Credit: “It”, Stephen King, 1986  
> Book Credit: “Subculture: The Meaning of Style”, Dick Hebdige, 1979  
> Album Credit: “Fistfull of Metal”, Anthrax, 1984  
> Song Credit: “Howling Furies”, Anthrax, 1984


End file.
